I just purchased Marianne Williamson’s new book, A Year of Miracles. In it, she has brief thoughts on different issues that we face in life, and explains how to process them and then let them go. There are 365—one for each day. I say this because I’m only on day #2, and it’s about forgiveness. Ugh, forgiveness. Of course the hardest stuff would come first. Maybe that is the point, though: the things we resist the most are often the ones we need the most.

Do you have people in your life that you just can’t deal with? Who have hurt you so much that you’re unable to let go of the pain? Do you get angry just thinking about them? Maybe they were abusive, manipulative, or just plain unreasonable, but regardless—they caused you pain. I thought of a few people who have impacted my life. There are moments when the memory alone can change your mood, which is exactly why forgiveness feels so hard.

“We don’t forgive someone for their sake; we forgive them for the sake of our own peace of mind. Any attack on another person is an attack upon ourselves.” This was kind of hard for me to read. There have been people in my life who acted terribly, who hurt me, who didn’t care that they hurt me. But when someone hurts another person, they are hurting themselves. Forgiving someone isn’t being weak. It is being courageous.

I’m not gonna lie and say this realization has suddenly made me forgive everyone in my life who’s wronged me. But it has made me reconsider all of the anger or resentment I carry around. It isn’t hurting the person who makes me angry. It is hurting me. Maybe it’s time to start to let it go. Resentment doesn’t serve us in the present, it holds us captive to the past. Forgiveness is freeing, and maybe that alone makes it worth the effort.